The past few years, I was tired struggling to get to know myself. Why am I so alien to others? Why can't I understand what they understood?
Those questions had dragged me down a lot until I realized how I chose to isolate myself from public. Because of the fear to be labeled as insensitive, stone-face, fierce, genius and many more. Among others, the one that I can't accept is when people regard me as being arrogant. It struck me so deep inside. Badly. Thus, I chose to hide my sadness in isolation which eventually make me become more and more along and lonely.
Oh God! I need to do something! I need to change this thing!
Yes, I do feel that way because I am too tired of being defensive and being defended at the same time. I urge public to understand me. That's just plain impossible. At last, I ended up mourning in my room. Alone. Frustrated. Give up.
My friends who love me and accept me the way I am, they too were tired of defending my insensitivity and sarcastic thoughts. I know. Before I lose them, I need to change myself to the better.
BUT. There is a big but there.
How? HOW?
First, I really need to get to know myself better than others do. I know I am not as what they titled me. I have feelings, I have rage, I have what they have. So what exactly shell me of all these that people see me otherwise? There must be something.
Nearly all INTJs will recognize the following characteristics in themselves. They should embrace and nourish these strengths:
· The INTJ's mind is naturally geared towards systematically analyzing information from many contextual perspectives, and rejecting or retaining information as they become aware of its usefulness or validity. They probably do very well in school, and in any pursuit that requires serious analytical thinking.
· They're extremely insightful, and see things that are not obvious to others. This ability to see patterns and meanings in the world can help the INTJ in many different ways.
· When given a goal or context, an INTJ is able to generate all kinds of possibilities. They're able to see the problem from many different angles, and come up with a solution that fits the needs of the current situation.
· They don't take criticism personally, and are open to changing their opinions when they're shown a better idea or better way of doing something.
· An INTJ has a "stick to it" attitude. They're not afraid of hard work, and will put forth a great deal of effort towards something that they are interested in. This persistence will help the INTJ to achieve any identified goal.
· Usually intelligent and able to concentrate and focus, the INTJ can usually grasp difficult ideas and concepts.
Analysis.
I still remember back then, my friends rendered me as the serious type. Whenever I open my mouth, the topic I spoke will be about politics, economy, news of other countries and other factual related. That is natural for me, only those matters can excite me to know more and urge my desire to open for discussion. If a person sit in front of me and be touchy-feely. I am not the type to really listen to others' stories (feelings) unless I think that her stories is like a puzzle that I need to break down into pieces and try my best to solve it by applying any theories that I have read just to find solution. Basically that is how my mind works.
As much awesome INTJ see themselves, people around them also fascinated by their intelligence and independence which portray them as the UNTOUCHABLE. What are the untouchables and why untouchable?
Untouchable:
The untouchable issue is actually a big issue for INTJs, this is the critical point explaining the distant and isolation that INTJs are suffering deep inside their inner-self. Most psychologists said that they will mature up by age. Maturity and time will bend us down naturally and eventually. However, in my opinion, the sooner the better. I agreed to some point that INTJs learnt things the hard ways which if not handle correctly will lead to hazardous destruction of self-confidence and worst, suicide attempts. Ironically, it is actually happened to me.
Back to the untouchable issue. People around INTJs, their friends, classmates, office-mates, lecturers and even families have the anticipation and this very one perspective about INTJs personality. Even my sister once open up and complain how untouchable I was, well maybe am.
People may perceive us as untouchable because we do not open much, mostly about anything, but especially about our feeling. Especially the negative emotions. When we feel sad, we run. When we are mad, of course we will run. When we are in despair we will resort to isolation. A very distant and deep isolation. Why? just because we naturally hate to open up to others about our feelings. In fact, in my case, which I think quite chronic, the moment I feel the urge to burst out my anger I will quickly run away from the situation but sadly my friends and family members they do not understand this urgency for us to cut off immediately from what are disturbing our minds. Normally, they will come and put effort to comfort us which will only end up to a fight or resentment because if provoked INTJs will not be able to calm down and think what upsetting them. This will lead to frustration. The frustration from failure to keep their usually-protected logical thinking and rationality.
Unable to remain logical and rational is plain insult to INTJs own-selves. This explains the urgent and immediate isolation and running away from any NOISE.
Cutting-off issues:
Cutting-off a relationship seems much more easier to be done than to mend the broken one. I might dwell in the past for quite sometimes but somehow rather, managing myself to get over the break up is not really a difficult task after all. It happens like right now. With my family members. I was having issues with my goal of life which my families just cannot see what I visioned my life to be in the future. The long run.
I cannot be myself with them. With them, I cannot be in my true form. My true identity. Just because they cannot accept me the way I really am. I always need to change my tune so that at least we will have something to talk about. No regret. I can choose to explain myself to them, but I found it to be tiring and normally end-up frustrating. In despair and crying alone hysterically but silently. Throughout my life, since I was a child up until now, I did cry a lot. I seek a positive response from them. Unfortunately, what I got is usually a reply to indicate how weird and emotional I was. This happened a lot with my parents, and sometimes siblings. Friends? Not much because I hardly open up transparently.
One moment he said if you have anything to tell, don't bother to do so. As if, he has something to offer: understanding. However, things always turned out the opposite. Sour. His replies always and always of nothing other than to get the job done. No understanding, no sympathy, no empathy, no nothing. Just instructions. Plain orders. Sick of it. Seriously extremely sick of it. How to survive this kind of situation? Expect the worst, always expect the unexpected. Positive thinking will come in handy in this kind of situation.
The pain of not being understood is what drove INTJs to cut people off. Unhealthy solution and option to response which eventually make them sounds so lonely and sadly, sad.
To really solve this issues and conflicts, an INTJ should get out of the norm. The "small talk" that they seriously hate, they need to get over it and grasp the importance of it has to offer. Explain yourselves. Make people understand who you really are, what you are thinking and most importantly who you want to become.
Seek to understand before to be understood. This should come first not the above. Agree.
Female INTJ:
Being a female INTJ is a big pain in the ass. I mean it. My circle of friends has always been around boys and now men. I find it very devastating trying to work out on my relationship with girls, now women. They screamed. A lot! Most of the time I look at them with wonders in my eyes. Why and what are the reasons they do what they do? They love to walk in group, cannot stand to walk alone. They are amazed with my independence. Ask me weird question. "Awww you eat alone, you must feel very sad and lonely." I was like.. "Duuhhh???" hands on shoulders and please imagine troll face. Come on girls, I am enjoying my private time alone and it was among my heavenly moment on earth!.
Yeah. Most my girlfriends said they feel intimidated having me around them. Only if they know how much I am nervous deep inside. Oh! as much as I can remember, I have suffered so many failures in my attempts making friends with female homo-sapiens. Heartbroken and frustrated. I could say that I am so much traumatized and came to conclude that the frustration is greater than breaking up with my first love. So many failures that it makes me trembling each time I need to say hello to them. Girls. Women. I am officially afraid of you guys. No kidding.
(to be continued....)
I still remember back then, my friends rendered me as the serious type. Whenever I open my mouth, the topic I spoke will be about politics, economy, news of other countries and other factual related. That is natural for me, only those matters can excite me to know more and urge my desire to open for discussion. If a person sit in front of me and be touchy-feely. I am not the type to really listen to others' stories (feelings) unless I think that her stories is like a puzzle that I need to break down into pieces and try my best to solve it by applying any theories that I have read just to find solution. Basically that is how my mind works.
To others who see me positively, they portray me as problem-solver, decision maker.
Some of my classmates, I don't know whether they do this to pick a joke on me or they do it just because they find it to be funny. They just love to honor me with honorable titles, such as Miss Question and Liyana Fakta. Thank you guys. To blame them will not offer me any effective solution and it will not make me a happier person either. I can just close my eyes entirely and deep inside loathe them for being so childish. So immature. My mind would automatically speak "Fine if you don't want to learn but do not put me down into your level of thinking". Ruthless. I know.
I am someone who is so very much reserved. I avoid any talk that has any emotional element. Feelings. In fact, I can say it out loud that I hate each and every feeling exposure. Especially, of the couples and spouses. As for couples, I can understand myself the reason why I hate it, but spouse? Seriously, deep inside I think what they are doing is something stupid. Why show it to public when you can directly whisper those words to your husband/wife? Ops. I need to stop. See how judgmental I can be?
How INTJs see themselves
- Task and goal-oriented.
- Will get job done.
- Firm-minded.
- Good planners.
- Rational, not confused by emotions during the negotiations.
As much awesome INTJ see themselves, people around them also fascinated by their intelligence and independence which portray them as the UNTOUCHABLE. What are the untouchables and why untouchable?
Untouchable:
The untouchable issue is actually a big issue for INTJs, this is the critical point explaining the distant and isolation that INTJs are suffering deep inside their inner-self. Most psychologists said that they will mature up by age. Maturity and time will bend us down naturally and eventually. However, in my opinion, the sooner the better. I agreed to some point that INTJs learnt things the hard ways which if not handle correctly will lead to hazardous destruction of self-confidence and worst, suicide attempts. Ironically, it is actually happened to me.
Back to the untouchable issue. People around INTJs, their friends, classmates, office-mates, lecturers and even families have the anticipation and this very one perspective about INTJs personality. Even my sister once open up and complain how untouchable I was, well maybe am.
People may perceive us as untouchable because we do not open much, mostly about anything, but especially about our feeling. Especially the negative emotions. When we feel sad, we run. When we are mad, of course we will run. When we are in despair we will resort to isolation. A very distant and deep isolation. Why? just because we naturally hate to open up to others about our feelings. In fact, in my case, which I think quite chronic, the moment I feel the urge to burst out my anger I will quickly run away from the situation but sadly my friends and family members they do not understand this urgency for us to cut off immediately from what are disturbing our minds. Normally, they will come and put effort to comfort us which will only end up to a fight or resentment because if provoked INTJs will not be able to calm down and think what upsetting them. This will lead to frustration. The frustration from failure to keep their usually-protected logical thinking and rationality.
Unable to remain logical and rational is plain insult to INTJs own-selves. This explains the urgent and immediate isolation and running away from any NOISE.
Cutting-off issues:
Cutting-off a relationship seems much more easier to be done than to mend the broken one. I might dwell in the past for quite sometimes but somehow rather, managing myself to get over the break up is not really a difficult task after all. It happens like right now. With my family members. I was having issues with my goal of life which my families just cannot see what I visioned my life to be in the future. The long run.
I cannot be myself with them. With them, I cannot be in my true form. My true identity. Just because they cannot accept me the way I really am. I always need to change my tune so that at least we will have something to talk about. No regret. I can choose to explain myself to them, but I found it to be tiring and normally end-up frustrating. In despair and crying alone hysterically but silently. Throughout my life, since I was a child up until now, I did cry a lot. I seek a positive response from them. Unfortunately, what I got is usually a reply to indicate how weird and emotional I was. This happened a lot with my parents, and sometimes siblings. Friends? Not much because I hardly open up transparently.
One moment he said if you have anything to tell, don't bother to do so. As if, he has something to offer: understanding. However, things always turned out the opposite. Sour. His replies always and always of nothing other than to get the job done. No understanding, no sympathy, no empathy, no nothing. Just instructions. Plain orders. Sick of it. Seriously extremely sick of it. How to survive this kind of situation? Expect the worst, always expect the unexpected. Positive thinking will come in handy in this kind of situation.
The pain of not being understood is what drove INTJs to cut people off. Unhealthy solution and option to response which eventually make them sounds so lonely and sadly, sad.
To really solve this issues and conflicts, an INTJ should get out of the norm. The "small talk" that they seriously hate, they need to get over it and grasp the importance of it has to offer. Explain yourselves. Make people understand who you really are, what you are thinking and most importantly who you want to become.
Seek to understand before to be understood. This should come first not the above. Agree.
Female INTJ:
Being a female INTJ is a big pain in the ass. I mean it. My circle of friends has always been around boys and now men. I find it very devastating trying to work out on my relationship with girls, now women. They screamed. A lot! Most of the time I look at them with wonders in my eyes. Why and what are the reasons they do what they do? They love to walk in group, cannot stand to walk alone. They are amazed with my independence. Ask me weird question. "Awww you eat alone, you must feel very sad and lonely." I was like.. "Duuhhh???" hands on shoulders and please imagine troll face. Come on girls, I am enjoying my private time alone and it was among my heavenly moment on earth!.
Yeah. Most my girlfriends said they feel intimidated having me around them. Only if they know how much I am nervous deep inside. Oh! as much as I can remember, I have suffered so many failures in my attempts making friends with female homo-sapiens. Heartbroken and frustrated. I could say that I am so much traumatized and came to conclude that the frustration is greater than breaking up with my first love. So many failures that it makes me trembling each time I need to say hello to them. Girls. Women. I am officially afraid of you guys. No kidding.
(to be continued....)
